Better days ahead

It's all about:
"Productivity"
"Accountability"
and
"Documentation"

Better

I am the only person who can effect change in my life. I is my choice to make that change positive.

Edit: I saw the typo, but I think, although not grammatically correct, it more accurately expresses my meaning.

Had a crappy day.

It was 99.99999%... ok. let's be honest and round that up to 100% my bad. I can fix this. 'Cause if I can't, ain't nobody else can.

An ephiphany, oh, so carefully phrased.

I have only recently internalized the understandng that a certain individual never had the right to the power over me that I had allowed that individual to excercise. Yes, It has taken a long time for me to internalize this fact, even though I could verbalize it years ago.

This has led to a further understanding that a different individual has also excercised that power only by virtue of my permission. When I deny permission, that power is impotent.

I need to burn that shirt.

Today I confessed to my brother that I may be going off my meds on the weekends accidentally on purpose. It's been a pattern for the last few months. I get up, start puttering around, give Ginnie her meds, but I don't take mine (unless I'm camping).

Usually at some point in the afternoon I realize that I am feeling morose, and I'll think, "Oh, you didn't take your meds." But I don't go take my meds. I just keep feeling morose. Sometimes, I almost...

hmmm... enjoy isn't the right word. I don't know. It feels so familiar, that sadness. It's like putting on an old familiar shirt. Sometimes I think I miss feeling those feelings. I've felt that way all my life. Is this who I am supposed to be? Am I cheating by taking drugs to feel normal?

This evening, as I was wandering through the supermarket listening to some music that was probably not even remotely as sad as I was imagining it to be, I decided that enough was enough. I came home and took my meds, and I feel much better now.

I'll take this one weekend at a time.

I like this.

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
Arnold Toynbee
English historian & historical philosopher (1889 - 1975)

As a longtime owner of large, friendly dogs who have overturned chairs and broken lamps, as well as a longtime lover of America and all we have accomplished and all we aspire to be, this makes perfect sense to me.

Sometimes an idea is fully formed in my head

But I can't seem to find the words.


That really pisses me off.