Thursday, October 22, 2009

Better days ahead

It's all about:
"Productivity"
"Accountability"
and
"Documentation"

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Monday, October 12, 2009

Better

I am the only person who can effect change in my life. I is my choice to make that change positive.

Edit: I saw the typo, but I think, although not grammatically correct, it more accurately expresses my meaning.

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Monday, October 05, 2009

Had a crappy day.

It was 99.99999%... ok. let's be honest and round that up to 100% my bad. I can fix this. 'Cause if I can't, ain't nobody else can.

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Thursday, October 01, 2009

An ephiphany, oh, so carefully phrased.

I have only recently internalized the understandng that a certain individual never had the right to the power over me that I had allowed that individual to excercise. Yes, It has taken a long time for me to internalize this fact, even though I could verbalize it years ago.

This has led to a further understanding that a different individual has also excercised that power only by virtue of my permission. When I deny permission, that power is impotent.

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Saturday, September 26, 2009

I need to burn that shirt.

Today I confessed to my brother that I may be going off my meds on the weekends accidentally on purpose. It's been a pattern for the last few months. I get up, start puttering around, give Ginnie her meds, but I don't take mine (unless I'm camping).

Usually at some point in the afternoon I realize that I am feeling morose, and I'll think, "Oh, you didn't take your meds." But I don't go take my meds. I just keep feeling morose. Sometimes, I almost...

hmmm... enjoy isn't the right word. I don't know. It feels so familiar, that sadness. It's like putting on an old familiar shirt. Sometimes I think I miss feeling those feelings. I've felt that way all my life. Is this who I am supposed to be? Am I cheating by taking drugs to feel normal?

This evening, as I was wandering through the supermarket listening to some music that was probably not even remotely as sad as I was imagining it to be, I decided that enough was enough. I came home and took my meds, and I feel much better now.

I'll take this one weekend at a time.

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Friday, September 18, 2009

I like this.

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
Arnold Toynbee
English historian & historical philosopher (1889 - 1975)
As a longtime owner of large, friendly dogs who have overturned chairs and broken lamps, as well as a longtime lover of America and all we have accomplished and all we aspire to be, this makes perfect sense to me.

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Sometimes an idea is fully formed in my head

But I can't seem to find the words.


That really pisses me off.

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